What skills does it take for a pastor to thrive in ministry verses merely survive? The Lilly Endowment in their Thriving Congregation Initiative conducted the research and confirmed what we know: staying in pastoral ministry for the long haul is not easy. Pastoral turnover rates are high for much of the country. The average tenure for a pastor is around 6.5 years depending on the study you read. 30% of people who decide to go into ministry are not there five years after they begin.
Is it possible to change the trend and help pastors learn how to thrive in ministry? Absolutely yes! How? If pastors could identify and develop the skill sets necessary to be more successful, it would be possible to see more pastors thrive and make it to the finish line.
Can you imagine reaching the place where you could celebrate your ministry, be recognized for all God accomplished through you, and be honored in a way that provides a sense of healthy fulfillment?
Studies indicate for pastors to thrive vs. survive, they would do well to pay close attention to the follow domains and disciplines.
Personal Spiritual Growth
Loving yourself enough to seek knowing God daily. Pastors can become so busy preparing the spiritual experience of the people that they fail to schedule time daily for themselves to get alone with God and His Word. Pastors: nothing is more important than your own personal daily connection with God. Do whatever you must do to protect this time.
Self-Care
Maintaining emotional and physical health to make it to the finish line. Listen, next to your personal relationship with God, nothing is more important than your own emotional and physical health. Just like when you are flying with young children. The instruction prior to take-off is in case of an emergency, place your own oxygen mask on first, then assist your child with his mask.
I recommend reading The Voice of The Heart by Chip Dodd and journal your feelings daily. Get in touch with your emotions. Acknowledge, embrace, process them, and watch what happens. You will be well on your way of becoming the best version of yourself.
In addition, our medical gurus recommend at least 150 minutes of exercise per week. Pastors: you are better equipped to care for the needs of your congregation when you practice self-care daily. I encourage you not to allow toxic shame to keep you from maintaining the best and healthiest body. Begin today and put exercise in your daily schedule at least five days per week.
Marriage and Family
What does it matter if you strive to win the world to Jesus, yet your own family pays the price and feels abandoned in the process? Too many pastors tell the story of how ministry keeps them from placing priority on their family.
According to The Urban Ministry Institute, 50% of pastors’ marriages end in divorce. 70% of pastors continually battle depression. 80% of pastors and 85% of their spouses feel discouraged in their roles. 95% of pastors do not regularly pray with their spouses.
In addition, when interviewed, many pastor’s kids report they feel abandoned by their father who serves as their pastor too.
Here are some suggestions: talk to your spouse and children. Review your schedule, list your priorities, prioritize your priorities, adjust your schedule, live in consultation with the church leadership, ask for their blessing and support, and watch your home become a healthier place to live with deeper and more mutually gratifying relationships. Pastors, please take action and produce a greater probability of making it to the finish line.
Leadership
John Maxwell says, “Leadership is influence.” Many pastors do not realize when they enter ministry that leadership requires a number of skills to complete the tasks of their ministry assignment. Sometimes, what we did not learn in seminary is what we need the most. Casting vision, developing leaders, making financial decisions, leading through change, and how to lead through conflict are some of the more critical issues a pastor faces regarding leadership.
Every pastor could benefit from living in consultation with a few close and trusted friends. In addition, every pastor is wise to have a mentor, someone whom you can walk with and seek counsel from regarding the more challenging issues.
Leadership style, cultural issues, political matters, moral concerns, and economic stressors are just a few “big ticket” items that make their way to the pastor’s desk on a weekly basis. Remember: the Word of God is an instruction manual for today not just a book of history. Choose to lead in a manner that aligns with God and His Word. This will position you in a place where you can make it to the finish line.
Accountability
Asking trusted individuals to help you do what you say you will do. One of the reasons for moral failure is a lack of being accountable to others. Accountability is not judgment. It is simply asking for a select group of trusted individuals to walk with you as you fulfill your role as pastor.
Who are pastors accountable to? God, spouse, family, the church, and perhaps others depending on the structure of your denomination. Being accountable means you are an open book to those on your accountability team. This means everything from your phone to your computer is open and available for review.
Notice where pastors get in trouble due to a lack of accountability? Here is a short list: personal/spiritual walk with God, failure to make spouse and children a priority, an unwillingness for the pastor’s spouse to have access to his phone and computer regarding internet history, social media, etc. Other areas of concern include unprocessed emotions like hurt, anger, and resentment. What about unhealthy boundaries especially as it relates to members of the opposite gender?
If the pastor today plans to make it to the finish line, and live fully rather than merely survive, he must develop an accountability plan that will help him stay true to his own calling, morals, values, ethics, and priorities.
Boundaries
Define who you are as a person. We’ve all read the book on boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. Here is the question: do we implement the valuable information these men provide us in the book? So many pastors struggle to say, no, when they are asked to do something, they really don’t want to do or need to do. Healthy pastors who make it to the finish line learn to say “no” and they say it often because they realize being a people pleaser is not the way to live fully.
How many pastors are codependent? Codependency is two things: loss of self and relationship addiction. Being a people pleaser and failing to establish healthy boundaries with people leads to feeling anger and resentment. Anger is a secondary emotion, and many times is preceded by hurt, disappointment, or even injustice.
Here are some tips on establishing healthy boundaries when you are presented with a new request or opportunity:
- Ask, if the request supports the purpose of your life and/or organization you serve.
- Ask, if the request aligns with your values in your relationship with your spouse and children.
- Ask, since my plate is already full, what can I stop so I can do something new?
It is possible for pastors to thrive vs. merely survive. Hopefully, you will find the information in this blog helpful as you make the necessary adjustments required to make it to the finish line in ministry.